Funny Christmas Quotes



There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus
― Bob Phillips
Funny Christmas Quotes



Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.
― Terry Alderton
Funny Christmas Quotes



Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money

Funny Christmas Quotes


You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger
― Robert Paul
Funny Christmas Quotes



That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
― Jerry Seinfeld
Funny Christmas Quotes



Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home
― Carol Nelson
Funny Christmas Quotes


I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included
― Bernard Manning

Funny Christmas Quotes



There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child
― Erma Bombeck
Funny Christmas Quotes

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin
― Jay Leno
Funny Christmas Quotes



Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year
― Victor Borge
Funny Christmas Quotes


A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing
― Jay Leno
Funny Christmas Quotes



Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet
Funny Christmas Quotes



Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas
― Johnny Carson
Funny Christmas Quotes


From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it
― Katharine Whitehorn
Funny Christmas Quotes


What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
Funny Christmas Quotes


Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present
Funny Christmas Quotes



There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries
― W.J. Cameron
Funny Christmas Quotes


I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph
― Shirley Temple


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